Oh, Snap
Been hurt? The only
thing I’d do behind your back
is unhook your bra.
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Been hurt? The only
thing I’d do behind your back
is unhook your bra.
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I’m quarantining
but I have a car. Do you
do curbside pickup?
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Are you remotely
interested in me? ’Cause
we could work from home.
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You’re still practicing
social distancing? Girl, that
body is far out.
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Do you like nouns? ’Cause
I’m a person, with a place.
We could do a thing.
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I know you’re super
busy, but can you add me
to your todo list?
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I’m a millionaire.
Oh, so you don’t date rich guys?
Do you date liars?
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Here’s an etiquette
question: are you the little
spoon or the big spoon?
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So on a scale from
one to America how
free are you tonight?
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Thick thighs save lives, so
if I was drowning would you
wrap yours around me?
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Knock knock. [Who’s there?] The
one. [The one who] needs to get
your name and number.
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Ahoy! You know what
goes with your outfit? Fishnets.
’Cause you’re a real catch.
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How you gettin’ home
tonight? My parents taught me
to follow my dreams.
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I’m out of shape. Good
thing I didn’t have to run
to catch these feelings.
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They say your body’s
70% water.
Well, girl, I’m thirsty.
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Can you help me? I
lost some of the alphabet:
U, R, A, Q, T...
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Excuse me, I think
you’re about to drop something.
Oh, just your standards.
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Nice khakis. Are you
a paleontologist?
’Cause Jurass-is-sick.
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Let’s go, Pokémon!
I’m training my eyes to
Pikachu naked.
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I like my family.
Still... I pick you cause blood ain’t
thicker than that butt.
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Are your allergies
acting up? Hydrate, rest, take
some Vitamin Me.
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Is there something wrong
with your left eye? Cause you’ve been
looking right all night.
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You got an ugly
boyfriend? No? Do you want an
ugly boyfriend? Hi.
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Ooooo long legs, you make
me whistle sencha so fine.
Girl, you’re a hot tea.
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Hey, you got a job
application? I’m tryin’ to go to
work on that body.
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Are you a TikTok dance?
Cause I’ll probably pull a
muscle doing you.
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I’ve been working out.
My target weight is one of
you on top of me.
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Sweet, sour, salty,
bitter. Are you MSG?
Umami, you thick.
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Do you like sales? Clothes
are 100% off
at my place tonight.
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I’d like to take you
to the movies, but they won’t
let me bring a snack.
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If we were running
from bears, I’d run slower just
to look at your butt.
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I like your curves. Take
wide right turns? Your silhouette
belongs on mud flaps.
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Nice cosplay, Princess,
but you’re looking for love in
Alderaan places.
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If we gardened, girl,
I’d plant my tulips and your
tulips together.
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Do you know what my
shirt is made of? Boy-
friend Material.
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Were you in Girl Scouts?
You tie my heart in knots.
I
tagalong, half-hitched.
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This place is full of
pseudointellectuals.
Let’s go tip some cows.
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Twas the night before
Christmas and all thru the house…
your discarded clothes.
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I thought all the good
domain names were taken, but
you’re thebomb.com
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I know that milk does
a body good, but damn girl…
how much did you drink?
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I would convert to
Pentecostal just so I
could lay hands on you.
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Bread, milk, apples, cheese,
sugar, please, I wanna bag
you like groceries.
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If we were breakfast…
You—gravy. And me? Flakey
biscuits, sopping you.
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The curve of your spine,
like a well-read library
book that I check out.
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Girl, if I was a
lumberjack, that would make you
a lumberjack’s wife.
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You seem so sturdy;
your frame, fit to bear children
and work my farmlands.
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