November 2011
1 post
Were you in Girl Scouts? You tie my heart in knots.
 I tagalong, half-hitched.
Nov 20th
6 notes
October 2011
1 post
My chances with you, infinitesimally smaller than your heels.
Oct 22nd
4 notes
February 2011
1 post
I wanna lick, lick, lick, lick you from your head to your toes. (Metaphor.)
Feb 3rd
5 notes
January 2011
2 posts
Let’s go Eighties Mall Style—your hand, my back pocket. And mine? Vice versa.
Jan 18th
“There was an error processing your request?” Who are you, Tumblr?
Jan 2nd
3 notes
Your eyes, they sparkle. Our chemistry like bombs. The fallout…fireworks.
Jan 1st
My Resolution? You and me don’t leave ‘til we exchange kisses, girl.
Jan 1st
4 notes
December 2010
14 posts
Should auld acquaintance be forgot? In the morning? Post-breakfast? New year…
Dec 31st
2 notes
This place is full of pseudointellectuals. Let’s go tip some cows.
Dec 27th
3 notes
Ouch! Your feet must be tired. Because your heels are ridiculous stilts.
Dec 25th
1 note
Here’s your present. It’s a Rick In A Box. “Never gonna give you up…”
Dec 25th
3 notes
I take your picture? I need to show Santa what I want for Christmas.
Dec 25th
6 notes
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house… your discarded clothes.
Dec 24th
7 notes
You’re a classy girl; I’d like to stuff your stockings full of dollar bills.
Dec 23rd
7 notes
Tickets to the gun show? I’ll sell you a seat, but you’ll just need the edge.
Dec 21st
3 notes
You must be tired… because parking is mad hard in this neighborhood.
Dec 21st
1 note
Was your father a baker? I’m just curious about your family.
Dec 19th
3 notes
I thought all the good domain names were taken, but you’re thebomb.com
Dec 18th
7 notes
You really can’t stay? But baby it’s cold outside. Human Blanket Time.
Dec 15th
2 notes
September 2010
3 posts
I know that milk does a body good, but damn girl… how much did you drink?
Sep 14th
28 notes
You be the tree, and I’ll wrap around you, like a burly koala.
Sep 4th
7 notes
Opportunity! Want to make millions? Millions of babies?
Sep 3rd
1 note
July 2010
3 posts
Hej! We could plan some beautiful Ikea rooms together. Hex wrench?
Jul 30th
3 notes
No, I don’t have a Tumblr blog of men’s outfits. I’m a normal boy.
Jul 17th
6 notes
Your Farmer’s Tan, the stuff of lakeside dreams. I vote you Marina Queen.
Jul 9th
June 2010
3 posts
Stand by, future mile high lady. How ‘bout we lay over at my place?
Jun 21st
I want your digits. Don’t worry—I can’t call you. I have an iPhone.
Jun 4th
3 notes
Bend with your knees, not with your back. Don’t hurt yourself picking up my jaw.
Jun 2nd
2 notes
May 2010
11 posts
Your buns, my grill, we’ll make a patriotic meal. Please pass the relish.
May 31st
If you were stuck in a computer like Tron I’d digitize for you.
May 31st
My fellow Whole Foods connoisseur, how your lack of hairy legs intrigues.
May 28th
2 notes
Your eyes are ocean blue, maritime maelstrom. I’m lost at sea, buoyant.
May 27th
7 notes
I would convert to Pentecostal just so I could lay hands on you.
May 27th
4 notes
Bread, milk, apples, cheese, sugar, please, I wanna bag you like groceries.
May 27th
35 notes
I’m lovesick, baby. Your kiss is my cure. Don’t be so anti-body.
May 27th
If we were breakfast… You—gravy. And me? Flakey biscuits, sopping you.
May 27th
The curve of your spine, like a well-read library book that I check out.
May 27th
2 notes
Girl, if I was a lumberjack, that would make you a lumberjack’s wife.
May 27th
3 notes
You seem so sturdy; your frame, fit to bear children and work my farmlands.
May 27th
2 notes